Fluid

I realised something today, something I have been wondering about for years.

I am genderqueer.

There. I said it. It's strange... It is harder to confess to this than my self-harming or my sexuality. I am a little nervous, I don't know how my girlfriend and family will react. I don't even know if I can tell them. All I know is that they won't understand.

On another note... role play has been taking over my life. Losing myself in my muses and livesrelationships is somewhat therapeutic. Or at the very least allows me to forget myself for a while. They aren't even the most stable or pleasant of muses. One, called Shinya, is a slut. He is obsessed with demons and his demonic lover, and has started to enjoy his job, which is murdering people who are diseased. He also corrupts one or two angels, and actually rapes one of them with the help of his demonic lover.

Another, also named Shinya, is a fucked up little kid in a special school for fucked up, unwanted kids. He is suicidal, depressed, a self harmer, dabbles in occasional drug use, violent and a sex addict. He is doing his best to seduce his room mate, and is pretty much abused by his councillor.

The next I will tell you about is my bulimic pet, Hyde. He attends the same school as Shinya, and has a chronic phobia of sex. Along with all of his health problems... he isn't the best muse one could wish for.

Last is Skin, the music teacher. She is a bitch, a lesbian and doesn't give a shit. Seriously, she is a fucking nightmare.

Maybe soon, I will have another muse. I want SiSen. I think he will go to the school Shinya and Hyde attend. Once I work out a back story...

Last thing for this entry... I hurt someone tonight. Badly.

I haven't felt so alive in a long time.