Jasmine You's last days.

July ~ Jasmine You begins to feel ill.

2st of August ~ Jasmine You is hospitalized, and suspends all activities. The haitus is planned for around 3 weeks.

Between 2nd-6th ~ Jasmine You realises he isn't going to survive, and begins mailing people, acting as if all is ok.

Between 6th-8th ~ Jamine You becomes so ill he can't walk. He wishes to see the night sky of Yokohama, so his family drive him their. Unfortunately, he was too ill to leave the car.

The morning of the 9th of July ~ Jasmine You passed away.

Jasmine You listened to "HIZAKI grace project" endlessly before he died, and was cremated in an outfit he wore in "HIZAKI grace project". The funeral was held on the 12th of August.

Heteroandrophobia

You don't stand a chance, honey.

~

While reading some blog posts by Jasmine You's friends, I found this, posted by You of Matenrou Opera.

"If any of Jasmine's fans are reading my blog right now, I have one request.
Please don't hurt yourselves.
Promise me that.
I think that it will take quite some time for everyone to be able to accept what happened.
I feel the exact same way.
Even if it takes a long time, please move forward and live life to its fullest.
I beg of you.
Those sad tears are your tenderness.
It'll be all right. You're moving forward and living.
The notes that Jasmine played will remain forever.
Although you may find yourself feeling sad whenever you listen to Versailles' songs, please take good care of the evidence of Jasmine's existence."

I'm sorry, You.

http://revenantchoir.net/othersmsg.html

Every single one of these messages made me cry. I even have respect for kisaki now.

Rest peacefully our beautiful decendant of the rose.

...

I never thought having your heart broken would physically hurt.

I'm so strong

A while ago, I promised myself that if I were to break up with anyone, I would be strong. I would be like Skin.

"Weak as I am, no tears for you."

"I would rather spend my time
Alone in my room
Than spend it with you"

"I won't be lost without you
I've found a way to get through
Now i'm up and running, strong enough to walk away,
And leave you alone, I won't be lost"

"Now I know I have to live without you
I can only bend so far
Guess it's time to make some moves
Without you"

I failed.

I don't think you quite understand...

... How much I love you; how much I've cried; how much you hurt me.

I've let you walk all over me, because I love you. My pride, my dignity is in shreds because of you. And you know, that wouldn't matter if you would just forgive me.

Just have me back... how long must I wait?

I won't even ask for an apology.

But I can't wait forever.

It's my life, I guess.

Someone once said to me;

"You have a choice.
Follow your dream,
Or your heart.
Anyone else can have both,
But you can't.
Not with your dream.
Or you will hurt everyone."

So what do I pick? Do I have to chose now? Or can it wait?

Can I avoid it forever?

Leyla

This was supposeed to be a happy entry.

I'm still in love with you.

It happens today

Wish me luck.

Just a little better

I thought things were going to stay bad...
Jasmine You's death, relapsing, the temptation of heroin...
Almost being kicked out of my home...

But then I saw a friend's blog...
And realised how much I am cared for...



2 days until I see Leyla.
I cannot wait.

Jasmine You

I didn't think it would affect me this badly...

Rest in peace, my dear.

Final

You are perfect.
You are mine.

愛してるわ
(Ai shiteru wa)

Lucian

I'm in love with him <3Not actualy in love... but whatever. He is one of the elite four, and I admit, I fangirl over him. Him and Cynthia are pretty much my Pokemon OTP. And in my mind Cynthia is MTF... I think i've pretty much screwed up the Pokemon universe in my head.


For a start, wipe out some of those Pokemon.



Pokemon to kill list:

(I am a bit of a purist when it comes to Pokemon, so the first 150 live by default. Even if some are epically crap.)

167: Spinarak
168: Ariados
(Spiders should DIAF)

201: Unknown
(Because seriously... WTF?)

204: Pineco
(It's a pinecone!!!)

233: Porygon2
(Do we realy need another one? The first was bad enough...)

299: Nosepass
(It's a nose... ><) 320: Wailmer
321: Wailord
(Lovechilds of a whale and a blimp... Do we realy need it?)

339: Barboach
(... eh?)

368: Gorebyss
(What is that?)

369: Relicanth
(Eww!)

370: Luvdisc
(ROFLMAO FFS it's a heart O.o)

412: Burmy
413: Wormadam
(What is it?)

425: Drifloon
426: Drifblim
(Baloons! Seriously!)

474: Porygon Z
(MAKE IT STOP!!!)

476: Probopass
(Do I need to say anything?)

Nuclear warheads at the ready!



But remember...







It is true love!

Today

I don't even know what to write today... maybe tell you what I am doing?

Smoking. Richmond menthol, king size. 6th from a 10 pack, bought yesterday at around 2pm for £2.50 at the magazine stand outside the market hall in Derby city centre. So if you are underage, go there. The guy doesn't check for I.D.

I played pokemon, fire red version for 4 hours 13 minutes, I caught 16 pokemon and leveled each of them up to level 20. I also got 2 gym badges.

I ate a hot cross bun, drank some peach fizzy water and took 30 mg of cipramil (citalopram).

How was your day?

Lurking

I only saw the razor, and shook.
Shakey shakey.
My cuts itched, my fingers twitched.
But I didn't do it. I'm proud of myself. Twice in one day would be a little extreme.

Also, you. Fucking lurkers.
Stop lurking. I know how many people come here, now show me some love.
Or hate. I don't care, just stop lurking. It's creepy.
I'd like to be able to talk to you. Even if it turns into a flame war, it gives me something to do.

Tongue

私は死んだ。
(Watashi wa shinda)

Und gehaftet zwischen welten

Mi lengua muerta lo gris

And makes me scream.

Jasmine

I'm sorry for two entries in one day, but I need to let this out.

I recently heard that Jasmine You of Versailles has been hospitalised and has suspended all musical activities. I spent so long crying, I am so worried for him. As no news of his condition has been released, I am fearing the worst. I have one friend who is taking it worse than me... I worry for her, I hope she can cope.

Jasmine, please, please get better.

Also, I have yet another new muse. Hyde on Yasu Lake. He is a homicidal necrophiliac and a rapist. How lovely. And I have been told my addiction to RP has become unhealthy and is getting in the way of my life.

Fuck it, I will do what I want.

Petals

Arms and legs, cut and scratched into shreds,
Veins lying on the gravel, minced muscle and skin.

Choked on blood and plegm,
Lungs full of the vile mix,
Spilling from frozen lips down the contours af a marble face.

Throat crushed by ribbons,
Glass eyes smashed and leaking.

And the bloodied petals.

Crushed in her hand.

Bloody Handprints

FUCK YOU

Blood

It's all I see right now. Blood.

I can hear screaming. Why won't she shut the fuck up? No-one wants to hear her, why doesn't she just get that? Her voice is annoying.

I've had enough of her.

Even her bones are annoying, getting between my knife and her organs. And she is screaming louder now!

SHUT UP! I SAID SHUT UP! And stop crying, it makes you look ugly.

This is taking too long. She won't listen. At least she has stopped crying now. I knew hammering her eyes with the blunt end of my knife was a good idea. Maybe I can stop her screaming?

There, that worked. You should see her, her mouth filled with mashed tounge and eyes. It's rather beautiful.


Oh... she stopped moving. I think she is dead. Shit, how did that happen?