I have had one hell of a day. First, panicking due to my girlfriend going to a gig. She is going with a guy who "loves" her. I don't know why she isn't more worried, I mean, he is a guy! I don't think she quite understands how dangerous guys are, especially ones that "care" about you. They are always the most dangerous...
After that, I cheered up considerably. Miyavi and Melody's baby was born! I went oddly hyper... I'm not sure what was up with me, really. Maybe the fumes from the paint I had been using to decorate my room where getting to me?
Then the news of Erina leaving Dio ~Distraught Overlord~ this coming September, on the 25th. The band shall also be going on an indefinite hiatus. I cried for two hours. I truly am pathetic.
My neighbours then accused me of incest. Where are the knives? I'm going to solve the immigration problem.
But I suppose the drug raid on my street made it all better again...
And to update you on my RP obsession, I have a new muse, Leda. He is a whore on Scattered feathers. And I love him already.
Thursday 30 July 2009
Monday 27 July 2009
Fluid
I realised something today, something I have been wondering about for years.
I am genderqueer.
There. I said it. It's strange... It is harder to confess to this than my self-harming or my sexuality. I am a little nervous, I don't know how my girlfriend and family will react. I don't even know if I can tell them. All I know is that they won't understand.
On another note... role play has been taking over my life. Losing myself in my muses and livesrelationships is somewhat therapeutic. Or at the very least allows me to forget myself for a while. They aren't even the most stable or pleasant of muses. One, called Shinya, is a slut. He is obsessed with demons and his demonic lover, and has started to enjoy his job, which is murdering people who are diseased. He also corrupts one or two angels, and actually rapes one of them with the help of his demonic lover.
Another, also named Shinya, is a fucked up little kid in a special school for fucked up, unwanted kids. He is suicidal, depressed, a self harmer, dabbles in occasional drug use, violent and a sex addict. He is doing his best to seduce his room mate, and is pretty much abused by his councillor.
The next I will tell you about is my bulimic pet, Hyde. He attends the same school as Shinya, and has a chronic phobia of sex. Along with all of his health problems... he isn't the best muse one could wish for.
Last is Skin, the music teacher. She is a bitch, a lesbian and doesn't give a shit. Seriously, she is a fucking nightmare.
Maybe soon, I will have another muse. I want SiSen. I think he will go to the school Shinya and Hyde attend. Once I work out a back story...
Last thing for this entry... I hurt someone tonight. Badly.
I haven't felt so alive in a long time.
I am genderqueer.
There. I said it. It's strange... It is harder to confess to this than my self-harming or my sexuality. I am a little nervous, I don't know how my girlfriend and family will react. I don't even know if I can tell them. All I know is that they won't understand.
On another note... role play has been taking over my life. Losing myself in my muses and livesrelationships is somewhat therapeutic. Or at the very least allows me to forget myself for a while. They aren't even the most stable or pleasant of muses. One, called Shinya, is a slut. He is obsessed with demons and his demonic lover, and has started to enjoy his job, which is murdering people who are diseased. He also corrupts one or two angels, and actually rapes one of them with the help of his demonic lover.
Another, also named Shinya, is a fucked up little kid in a special school for fucked up, unwanted kids. He is suicidal, depressed, a self harmer, dabbles in occasional drug use, violent and a sex addict. He is doing his best to seduce his room mate, and is pretty much abused by his councillor.
The next I will tell you about is my bulimic pet, Hyde. He attends the same school as Shinya, and has a chronic phobia of sex. Along with all of his health problems... he isn't the best muse one could wish for.
Last is Skin, the music teacher. She is a bitch, a lesbian and doesn't give a shit. Seriously, she is a fucking nightmare.
Maybe soon, I will have another muse. I want SiSen. I think he will go to the school Shinya and Hyde attend. Once I work out a back story...
Last thing for this entry... I hurt someone tonight. Badly.
I haven't felt so alive in a long time.
Monday 20 July 2009
Needles and Oranges
I hear footsteps on carpet and floorboards creek, and the tears I still weep.
Long after I am dead and rotten and dust, I still weep.
Long after I am dead and rotten and dust, I still weep.
Sunday 19 July 2009
Strawberries and Cream
It is a seed that spills
In beautiful colours.
Red and white,
Strawberries and cream.
Both in me,
Leaving me,
Draining me,
Killing me.
Leaking from glass eyes,
Cracked by his steal.
Crystals mix with
Strawberries and cream.
Then broken.
Cracked.
Splintered.
Grazed.
Tarnished.
Scarred.
Onwards in the dark,
I wear my crystals with pride,
And eat my strawberries.
I can still taste the cream.
It makes me sick.
Tastes like cream,
Tears me.
Filling me.
Tastes so bitter...
Strawberries... cream
In beautiful colours.
Red and white,
Strawberries and cream.
Both in me,
Leaving me,
Draining me,
Killing me.
Leaking from glass eyes,
Cracked by his steal.
Crystals mix with
Strawberries and cream.
Then broken.
Cracked.
Splintered.
Grazed.
Tarnished.
Scarred.
Onwards in the dark,
I wear my crystals with pride,
And eat my strawberries.
I can still taste the cream.
It makes me sick.
Tastes like cream,
Tears me.
Filling me.
Tastes so bitter...
Strawberries... cream
Saturday 18 July 2009
Cirqué Du Freak
Welcome to my home. Stay as long as you like, if you would like. Here I shall post my thoughts, opinions and ramblings for you all to read, admire and despise. You are welcome to comment, no matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you agree with me, or want to prove me wrong, I would love to speak to you.
My name is saku FILTH. PORNO type FILTH is my music project, that I hope one day shall become a band. I sing and write poetry and lyrics, and play a little piano. I won't pretend I have anything more than basic musical ability, if that. Though with my lyrics and singing, I am very passionate. I suppose it more than compensates. I do other things as well, but that isn't relevant here. Though I shall post a few links, just in case anyone is interested.
My musical style is loud, ambiguous, poetic, melodic and scary, with a little bluesy bass thrown in for good measure. My visual style, onstage at least, is a mix of angura-kei,visual-kei, punk, goth and gothic lolita. It really varies depending on my mood. Offstage, I would appear "grebbish" or "emo".
My name is saku FILTH. PORNO type FILTH is my music project, that I hope one day shall become a band. I sing and write poetry and lyrics, and play a little piano. I won't pretend I have anything more than basic musical ability, if that. Though with my lyrics and singing, I am very passionate. I suppose it more than compensates. I do other things as well, but that isn't relevant here. Though I shall post a few links, just in case anyone is interested.
My musical style is loud, ambiguous, poetic, melodic and scary, with a little bluesy bass thrown in for good measure. My visual style, onstage at least, is a mix of angura-kei,visual-kei, punk, goth and gothic lolita. It really varies depending on my mood. Offstage, I would appear "grebbish" or "emo".
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